boldness

goethe
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

I first saw this saying on a quotable card in a little bookshop in San Fransisco. The truth of it hit me in an inescapable, niggling, unsettling way. The times I fail, are mainly because I don't try, or I try, but I give up too easily. How many grand schemes and ideas are shot down in my head before they get a chance to come to life? How few risks do I take, conscious of the pressing concerns of appearances, or fear of failure, or because I'm tired, too busy, too distracted to pay attention? How easily do I sacrifice potential ideas and schemes and initiatives, without thought to regret, to the potential?

I'm so conflicted. I want to live large. I want to live a life that counts. That connects, that tries, that dares to be brilliant, and out of the ordinary. But I'm a melancholic with thin skin. I worry my ideas will fall flat, won't work, that I'll look silly. I worry I'll over commit myself and burn out in spectacular fashion. It all seems too hard, too much, too many details I can't work out, too many things against me. And I have a deathly fear of failure.

How do I resolve this conflict, this conflict that tears within me?

There really is only one way forward, only one way that I'll ever be at peace with myself when I'm 80. And that way quite simply has to be to choose boldness over fear.

How exactly that's done, remains to be seen.